I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
