It's Friday. Sex?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Randomize