at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
