I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
