You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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