Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
