OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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