why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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