his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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