You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
