true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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