Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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