We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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