If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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