So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I could make wine with my vomit
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
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