Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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