You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
