anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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