I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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