you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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