so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
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As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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