Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is Oprah even human
Randomize
