He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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