I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
