May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
