i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
