Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
