He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize