she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
