True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
