Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
