Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just threw up on my dentist
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
