who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
