hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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