i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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