she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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