yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
