Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
