Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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