just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
wow bdsm is so cute
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
