At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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