You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
