i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize