I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
