I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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