I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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