You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
