my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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