went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
