I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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