Pappa wants mamma naked
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize