I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
