I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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