She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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