Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
