I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
