K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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