I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
