I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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