Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
