it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
