he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
