I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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