Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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