According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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